my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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