Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
