I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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