I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
do herpes really smell.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
