I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
