when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
