we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
