I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
