Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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