Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This house was built for laser tag.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
