i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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