Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
