remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
