my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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