Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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