I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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