smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They have beer where we have blood.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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