We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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