did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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