He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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