I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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