yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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