So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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