Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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