Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
