Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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