That's when you crack a 10am beer
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
