worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
