apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
