Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Michael Bay diarrhea
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
