there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
