And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
