So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will pee on everything he values.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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