my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh god it's open bar.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
