You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize