the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
