If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
