never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
