I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
