In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm at about main and main street
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
