Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
