Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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