Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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