I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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