I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
