Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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