I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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