i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
