This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
