i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
