lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
