This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
