I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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