And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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