dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
