I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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