my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
