When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
