I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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