Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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