Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
