you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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