The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
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Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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