im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
