And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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