DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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