It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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