He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
