You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
