and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
