She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
