A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
