Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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