I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
