The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
