what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
