He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
