at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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